Some of you have asked about an RSS feed for my blog, and I will be adding one very soon. Also, my paleogenetics website is coming along well and should be published soon, I’ve just been really busy with my classes – it’s been a big exam week and finals are at the end of the month. I have a lot of interesting things going on in my life that I promise you will all hear about this Summer. My Arabidopsis plants have just begun to bolt (flower) and I spent a fair amount of time today preparing media that will be used to genetically alter them, as part of my senior thesis. Pride Week is this coming week at UMaine. I haven’t taken a minute to look over the schedule yet.
And then last night I went to the emergency room because of having panic attacks and they discovered I have hypothyroidism, which probably has exacerbated my clinical depression and fatigue. But I’m glad to know because it means I can do something about it, and it’s good to know I’m otherwise in excellent health. I’m a strong proponent of medication. The person I was 2-3 years, because of my depression, I don’t even recognize today, having taken Zoloft for so long now. Sometimes you can’t just “think away” a psychological problem, anymore than you can think away a broken bone. The hospital placed me back on an anxiolytic I took a while ago and I haven’t had even a twinge of anxiety since.
As a last note, my grandmother suffered a stroke a couple weeks ago and she’s still in the hospital with little or no improvement – she’s not even able to speak. I immediately flew home when my mom called me. Not much can be done – I’m trying to enjoy the irregular warm weather with friends to help deal with the situation because I really care about my Grammy Flanders and I know she would want me to be doing happy things, like she and I always have, like mini golf and bowling, right up to the day she was hospitalized. In my flickr photostream you can see one of my friends and I enjoyed a day skating at Acadia National Park. I just got a bunch of camping gear and I’m also anxious to get back in the water to continue scuba diving, though the weather has been kinda crappy lately. In terms of my grandmother, the doctors have been asking my dad those questions that may imply a difficult decision, but we all have to go through the cycle of life and death. I’m grateful that my mom encouraged me to make an effort to spend more time with her in the past year or so.
One time, after my ex broke up with me and I was just a total mess and started hibernating in my room, my grandmother sat down and hugged me and I asked her, “When your husband [my grandfather, who I never met] died, how did you deal with it? How did you keep going?” And she said, “Well, I just figured I’d see him again someday. No point in getting all upset over it.” The Buddhist view of death is interesting and it’s always rang true with me. Buddhists see no beginning or end, only change. Life is a part of death and death a part of life. Thich Nhat Hanh probably says it better in No Death, No Fear…
“Looking deeply, we can also see that the waves are at the same time water. A wave may like to seek its own true nature. The wave might suffer from fear, from complexes. A wave might say, “I am not as big as the other waves.” “I am oppressed,” “I am not as beautiful as the other waves,” “I have been born and I have to die.” The wave may suffer from these things, these ideas. But if the waves bends down and touches her true nature she will realize that she is water. Then her fear and complexes will disappear.”
